last prayer

Kneeling down, I utter my night prayer. Hoping that in the depths of the corners of the four corners of my room she would hear my prayer. Because I know that when night time falls, there would only be the two of us. Even though all this time she wouldn’t speak a single word or even a single movement, and even though all this time she remains unnoticed, I have faith that there would come a time when our eyes would finally meet. How I wish that even in our moment of silence that would seem like eternity for me, she would hear what my heart whispers.

Lying here, I gaze at the dark velvet sky. The moon smiles sweetly down upon me. Reminding me never to lose faith. Reminding me that one day she would come. One day my angel would come, my sweet angel. A day would come that she would warp her wings around me and we would both cease to exist and she would bring me to a place called heaven. Then I’ll be off and gone from this bitter world. She would catch me whenever I stumble. she’d fill me up whenever I’m empty. She’d clean the messes I’ve made. And she’d stay with me even though everything else around us has changed. No ocean could even come between me and my angel. She won’t even let me cry a river like I am now. And my bitter world would be nothing but a paradise.

Looking over the horizon, words keep running thru my empty head. My best bud use to enjoy a good laugh at me whenever we went over this topic. She said I was hysterical. I just keep quiet at times she caught me off guard. She always tells me that I am wasting my time. For her, she was just trying to lift me up while it wasn’t too late yet. She was trying to pull me before my hopes would let me fall into a bottomless pit. She was trying to put the pieces together because she doesn’t want to see me shattered. And whenever I’d try to put up an argument with her, she’d tell me:

“Angels do not come down from heaven, for they do not know how to walk here with us…
They only have wings to fly, but they do not know how to cry…”

With these words I’d stop. What’s with her?! Can’t she just be upbeat about the only thing I care about?! What is she so afraid of? I know she’s just trying to be a pal. But she’s never been thru what I’m going thru now. She doesn’t feel this bliss I feel just with a single thought of her. I couldn’t understand what she was trying to save me from. Not until days, weeks, months, and years passed and still not even a single feather to let me know she was watching from above.

How could she be so cruel? All I ever wanted now seems to be a castle in the sky. How could my angel bruise me? How could she bear seeing me in vain? How could she leave me from these fast phase world? Especially now that things aren’t the way they used to be? Isn’t she aware that everything could change with a blink of an eye? Was my friend right all these time? Now I know what she was trying to save me from.

So I went on living as an apparition. What good am I now? I’ve become the worst thing I could ever imagine. Torn apart and wasted. I had vanished into existence. And it gave me moment to think and look back at the frames of my life. To the time I was so obsessed with finding my angel. In my unexplained dismay and torment I saw you in each of the frames. You were there waiting with me. You were there waiting to be noticed. So now, tears fall ‘coz you’re gone. Nowhere to be found. I’m drowning all the pain inside me. This is what an imprudent person deserves, don’t I?

Angels do come down from heaven. They set foot on the hearts of those who believe. If only they know where to look. Angels may have wings to fly, but their wing could easily be broken and even your mortal tears are not enough to patch them up. That’s the time they have to walk. Barefoot, alone, and unnoticed. Your mere human eyes can’t even see them cry. Yes, they do cry. They silently blubber and hold back all the pain until slowly they would grow feeble and fragile. Then they would go back up to the stars. Back in oblivion.

Just like what happened to you and me. You could have been my angel if only I turned around. I could have been yours if only you called my name. Now it’s too late. We’re both fading. But not to worry, I know we’ll see each other. We’ll meet again. But this time I’ll be with the stars. And you’ll be smiling with the moon.
--basurerong sosyal